"Right now I’m definitely lost. Even if I want to hide it, the part of me that’s lost… is still me. All I can do for now is to concentrate on what’s directly in front of me."

~ Yuuta Takemoto (Honey and Clover)

I've been in a slump lately, and the past couple of weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I've been in and out with bouts of depression and anger, distress and anxiety, pain and suffering. Admittedly, I've been pretty unstable since "that time". With alternating moments of laughter, joy and happiness one time, wallowing in tears and pure sadness the next. Even when I'm outside or in the midst of other people, every little thing that makes me remember would send tears flooding behind my eyes, threatening to drop any time. My mind, heart and soul... everything is disrupted. I was a complete and utter wreck. I even purposefully neglected this blog, I didn't have the drive to write anything. Or do anything else for that matter. I didn't have the motivation to go to work, play bass, or even cook my meals. My laundry is piling up, my nendos are gathering dust, and I could even 'feel' my hamsters begging me to clean their cages. Ugh, now I feel bad... This is really a personal matter, and even though this blog is an "online diary" of sorts for me, I don't know if I'll be able to talk about it in detail here. Most probably not. It's been almost a month, and as much as possible, I don't want to remember anymore. I just wanna forget and let it all out in this little post. But nothing will change the fact that it hurts, until now. So much. No matter what the cause is, heartbreaks are always hard to deal with. But life must go on...


"But I realized why I was lost. It's not because I don’t have a map. It's because I don’t have a destination."

~ Yuuta Takemoto (Honey and Clover)


Well now, this is getting pretty embarrassing. Heheh... Anyway, I just wanna say "Thank you, thank you..." to all of the people (if you're able to read this, you know who you are) who have been a great support system for me. It's been a crazy period in my life, and I can't thank you enough for helping me get back on track. And of course, I thank God most of all. I've been praying more, asking for strength and guidance, and I know He listens. At this point, I can say that I'm pretty much okay but still not alright. Though I'll be fine. I'll live. I can't think much of anything else to say right now... There's still a lot of things missing, but there's also a lot of things I'm learning. I'm slowly picking up the pieces and rearranging them, so that soon, everything will fall into place...

いつか，きっと。


"I'd been wondering whether there is a meaning to a failed love... Is something that disappeared the same as something that never existed? But now I know there is -- There was a meaning right here... Because despite the heartbreak, I'm still glad that I fell in love with you."

~ Yuuta Takemoto (Honey and Clover)

PS. I just love the anime Honey and Clover.